So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
