Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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