I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
