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the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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