like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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