what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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