You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
