so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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