dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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