I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
