But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
