I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
