I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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