I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
