You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
