Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
