would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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