my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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