im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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