drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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