had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
