OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
