wakey wakey hands off snakey
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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