You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
