yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
