whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
