Tell her she can't have a vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
