He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
