he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
