You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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