Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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