No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
