We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just forgot I was standing up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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