I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
