Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
