Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
