I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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