So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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