yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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