Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
