at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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