I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
