I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
