you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
