i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
