I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
