you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
