I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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