proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
