Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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